Riding the Rails
I recently had the privilege of spending three days on Rovos Rail on a trip from Cape Town to Pretoria, stopping at Matjiesfontein and Kimberley. When people heard I was going, I got comments like: “It’s so relaxing, you will just sleep and eat”; “Take lots of books”; and “I was actually quite bored”. Instead, I arrived home looking like I had been tortured in an Iraq prison for three days. Because I was constantly aware that I only had three days in which to cover every offering of this luxurious train, I only slept for a total of about five hours.
On arrival at the station, I was swept into a luxurious lounge and offered champers and triangles of pure sandwich pleasure and elegance. While a string quartet (named Palm Strings, hysterical!) entertains you, you sit around looking at elegant photos of the train. If you’re me, you sit with your travel companion and your father and drink all the champers and take photos of yourself drinking even more champers.
By the time we got on the train, I was completely overexcited and had to be dragged from the control room and told to go to my cabin.
Why the Staff is Still Talking about Us
On Food and Beverages
Hostess: “So here is your liquor list. Tick whatever you would like and I will stock up your fridge.”
Me: “May I tick them all?”
Hostess: “I’m afraid the fridge isn’t big enough for everything, but call me and I’ll bring you whatever you need.”
Hostess: “Lunch is served at 13h00, tea and cake at 15h00 and following that, canapés in the bar at 18h00. Dinner is at 19h00.”
Me: “So what do we do if we get hungry?
On Train Safety
Hostess: “May I come in?”
(Our lovely hostess found us sitting at our table with giant plastic goggles on our faces.)
Hostess: “You know you only have to wear those when you stick your head out the window.”
Me: “I’m not taking any chances.”
On Being Late for Everything
We were told the train often came to a stop for various reasons. So when the train stopped, I looked out the window to see land that went on for miles. Thirty minutes later our cabin phone rang. Our lovely hostess asked if we were alright and whether we didn’t want to see Matjiesfontein. I pointed out that we were not in Matjiesfontein and had merely stopped in the middle of nowhere. She pointed out that perhaps I should look out the other side of the train.
On Getting Lost at 02h00
Me: “Have you my seen my friend? I think he might be in the hull.”
Hostess: “That’s on a ship. Your friend was found in the wrong cabin and is now being escorted to yours.”
On our final night, I managed to make it through another feast of a dinner and went to bed. At 03h00, I heard my friend stumble in, walk straight into the table and swear.
Me: “Trying to sleep here!”
Travel companion: “What’s that noise?”
Me: “That’s the train.”
Travel companion: “We’re on a train?”
I found out the next morning that my travel companion and his new train friend had obviously forgotten they were on a train and had asked the staff if there were any clubs nearby.
When the train stopped in Pretoria and we all had to leave, the hostess found me trying to hide under the bed. It was humiliating, but it was my only option.
Rovos Rail, you need to go and you need to take me with you!
Who is Baglett?
She’s a 20-something girl who doesn’t like to take life too seriously. Read her blog at www.baglett.co.za.
Story by Baglett
